Together we can conquer all
by Phaelas
Summary: Alexander realises what he’s losing – will he still be in time to save Hephaistion’s heart? Chapter three added: the real reason for Hephaistion's death...
1. 1 Alexander

Author: Phealas

Summary: Alexander realises what he's losing – will he still be in time to save Hephaistion's heart? Alexander's POV.

I wake up after restless sleep, and the memory of him smiling at me. All was golden, yes, and the sun reflected in his eyes and smile. The morning beams play over him now as well, though in this strange bedroom they hold more of a bluish gleam. I turn on my back, my hand still safe in his, and think.

I think of him. With everything I see in my mind's eye, everything I smell, everything I hear, I think of him. We were always together. We played together, we watched the stars together, we fought together, we slept together… There is no end to memories of him, like there is no end to the number of stars. Even the strange smell in this room will later be a new memory in which I will remember him. He lays beside me, deep asleep. It is such a peaceful sight, a sight I've missed. A sight that makes my heart come to rest.

It is strange that, when I think of my childhood, I can only see him. Memories of my parents, my strict father and devious mother, are in here somewhere, I remember them vaguely, but is it so strange that I choose, and have always chosen, to only remember other things? His eyes when he had just won from me with wrestling, his smile after we had shared our first kiss, his hair blowing in the wind on top of that ridge, with a view all over the fields. Those are the memories that move my heart and soul. He is al I have wished to remember for such a long time, that it now seems as if that was all I ever did in my childhood. Slumber in the sun in the arms of the person I loved more then the world itself.

I turn back to him. "When did we lose it?" I whisper, and I softly stroke his bare arm. "When did I let you get away?" Always when we were together, as we are now, all seemed as before. We would make love, talk, but it is not as it used to be. My hand moves to his cheek, to the short rough beard that had grown when he had stopped shaving. I don't remember when.

He does not react, but I know he hears me. "When did I leave my heart alone?" I urge him. "Where on the long road did I replace you for someone that would never be like you to me, while you were right here for me? My Hephaistion, why did you let me? Why did you let me hurt you so?" I move closer, press my forehead against his. "I have become a stranger to myself. For you, too, are Alexander." How is it possible that I had not thought of those words for such a long time? "You became a stranger to me, and I, a stranger to myself. Save me, Hephaistion, you still have the power to," I plead him.

I close my eyes, and he opens his. They are blue, bluer than I remember them, and they speak of love. "Alexander," he says, like only he can.

The smile that holds my face is one of sorrow and unshed tears. "Hephaistion. Will you still have me? I have woken up now. I see now that others are just fleeting memories, and only you stay." I take his hand, move it to my heart. "Only you are here. It just took me a while to remember that. Will you still have me? Will you be here for me?"

"I have never left you," he whispers, and a lazy smile spreads over his face. All is golden. I lean forward to kiss him, and I can feel his soft lips caress mine in a way that means more than all words. His warmth spreads through me. Tears leave me.

I can hear his footsteps, how he slips through the room on his bare feet and how his soft hands curl around the curtains to open them. I bolt upright. "Devil!" I shout at him. He stops dead in his tracks and looks at me. He looks like an angel as his eyes hold mine, wide with fear and innocence. "You," I say, so intently that I can see a shudder moving his lithe frame. My voice is filled with rage. "You took all away from me. Why did you destroy my life!" His mouth opens, as if to say something, his black eyes widen further. "Leave! If I ever see your face again, you will know exactly what it is like to be destroyed. No living being will remember you after that!" A whimper leaves his throat as he flees from my cruel words.

I turn back to the one beside me, my one true angel and love. A beam of golden sun, falling through the half opened curtains, kisses his bluish face. It's a disease that seems to pass wherever I come, and wherever I don't. It makes faces pale, skin cold, limbs stiff. And it will never go away. "Hephaistion," I beg with a thin voice, but he doesn't react. "I know you hear me. Soon, my love, I will follow you. There are some things yet… I must take care of. I know you understand. But soon, I will follow..." The first sobs wreck me, and my voice is almost inaudible with tears. "Don't venture too far without me, my Hephaistion, my soul. We will find our way together in the unknown, like we always have…" I kiss his cold lips, taste the goodbye he has left there for me. I rest my forehead on his. "Together we can conquer all."

A/N: Please review! Thank you. :)


	2. 2 Roxane

A/N: I really wasn't planning to write another chapter on this, but my inspiration has gotten the better of me! So here it is, chapter two, and chapter three on the way. (and no, the chaps are not in chronological order! I hope they will make sense though.) Please, don't forget to review!

As a rule, I do not pity myself. I know I am not loved, not wanted, hated, ignored - it all comes down to the same, really, but I usually don't spend my time thinking on it. I may just as well let it rest, since it won't help me. I know it – but I cannot help myself this day.

I have not told Alexander yet, in fear that I am wrong. Is it truly possible I am with child? After all this time? His 'barren, barbarian queen' they call me, but I am no longer, it seems. I frown in the mirror, my face is pale and I see wrinkles that had not been there before. I am beginning to look old and devious like my mother. Next thing they will start telling that I used witchcraft to conceive, and that Alexander would do better to get rid of me before I would give birth to something unearthly. I lay a hand on my stomach, and repeat to myself: I must not think these things.

I feel sick and depressed. It would be better to think of good things. I stand up, ignoring the protest of my body, and walk over to the balcony door. It is a beautiful day, a day that would be best spent walking outside in the gardens, but I wish to be alone. I step out into the fresh air and let my mind come to rest in the sound of the whispering trees and the warm sunshine on my face. My mind is drawn inevitably to the past, to the time where I sentenced myself to all this.

I was only sixteen years old when my calm life was suddenly turned upside down. My father was defeated, I was asked to dance in front of this great king that had now taken over my land. I was so young, he was so great – it never entered my mind I could refuse. And when he asked me to marry him – he asked it! – I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. Who would not have fallen in love with one like him?

Little did I know of what would be waiting for me – it's not the endless days of travel that bothered me, not the hate of his commanders, but the simple fact that I was not more to him than someone who could carry his heir. I knew it on the night of our wedding, but then it was too late. I seethed with anger.

I do not hate Hephaistion, despite the many rumours about strife between me and the king's lover. Yes, I was and still am envious of him, but it is Alexander who should have realised just exactly what he was doing to me. Instead, he chose only to consider what he was doing to the only one he loved, and left me alone for many long, cold nights. My infatuation passed quickly – by now I hate this man. Because of him I have lost all future. I'd hurt him if I could, hurt him so deeply and I'd make him understand what he had done to me.

Oh yes, I'd kill Hephaistion to hurt Alexander. Or perhaps I would just give the blue-eyed beauty a push in the back, offer him the poison so that he may take it himself. He seems desperate enough for that these days, when Alexander sees no one but his slave boy. I smile coldly to myself. That way, at least one person will be ridded of all the hurt Alexander spreads around him, as a beautiful blond beast who leaves only living dead in his wake. Hephaistion and myself, yes, even Bagoas!, still as innocent in his love as I once was – we are all the victims of one man, even if no other will see it, and will even be jealous.

I hear shouts and wild footsteps in the corridor, and rush inside. Fear spreads through me, that they have come to kill me, now that I am with child. I search desperately for a weapon. There is nothing. I back away as a whirlwind enters my chamber, and in a flash I realise it is Alexander. Hephaistion is dead, he has come to kill me. Perhaps that would even be better, if it was also his wish, but somehow when it comes to life and death I instinctively choose life. "No," I beg him, "Alexander I am with child!"

He stills and looks at me, and somewhere inside I realise that even he hates me now. Even if I had nothing to do with it, it doesn't matter. His Hephaistion is dead. As I stare at my infuriated husband I silently pray for his lover's soul. That Alexander's memory of him may be a vivid one, that it may haunt him till the end of his days.


	3. 3 Hephaistion

A/N: Well here's the third and final chapter… Very much inspired by the movie, where Alexander's behaviour began to madden me more and more and I felt so sorry for Hephaistion. When he died, I couldn't help think that at least he stopped suffering and Alexander had his punishment, and I was even a little glad. Insane mind I have, not?

Thanks so much to Camlost for reviewing! I'll quickly post this last chapter and hide under my desk now.

I've always had to live with the idea that there might come a time in which they would try to kill me. People are always jealous of how dear I am to Alexander, or they fear that I influence him to greatly, or would even try to seize power myself. Had they looked closer, they would have known it to be nonsense – but there always were enough reasons to get rid of me. It surprises me they have chosen this day though. Now, when I am farther from Alexander than ever.

I knew there was something strange right away. It wonders me that, whoever did this, chose a poison that made water smell as distinctly wrong as this. I have mixed the wine and the water together, so it won't taste that bad. The goblet is in my hand. All I have to is drink! Am I strong enough to take my own life?

Who will be punished for it? Roxane, probably. Alexander will think that she is jealous of me… For all I know it really is her. It's not like it matters, now that the choice comes down to me. I hope for her – and for Alexander – that she's finally pregnant now. Then at least it has use that he took her as a wife. Not that it is her fault, of course…

I caught Bagoas right-handed while he was in the kitchen, anxiously pouring some powder in her glass. He looked up, startled, but did not move while I approached him and took the bag. I cautiously sniffed the powder. "Poison?" I asked him. He shrugged carelessly, and told me it was just to stop her from conceiving. I don't know why I thought the situation so amusing back then.

I told him that Alexander would take another wife, if she would be without child for much longer, and that he would only gain himself more competition. It seemed to make sense within his tiny brain. I said it only for Alexander. I really don't care about Roxane, or about an heir, but if Alexander wants it… I kept an eye out, but never found him doing it again.

I don't know if she's with child now, I don't think Alexander would tell me if she was. It's not like it really matters to me now anyway. Alexander doesn't need me anymore. After all that I've done for him, given up for him, he has just decided he doesn't need me. He comes to me sometimes, and I try to act normal, not to let it show, not to be weak. But even at such moments, when things will even be almost like the old times, it still feels like he hardly notices me. And I still love him. Gods, I love him so much. My pain is a constant reminder of what we used to share. Not until my love has bled to death will this ache go away, but what is there still to live for then?

I will make my own decision this time. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I will decide for myself what I do, without thinking of Alexander. I am not his puppy, if he thinks that. It's a shame this is all there is left for me to prove that, is this wine with it's evil hidden inside. But it's alright. Alexander will have his way – I will leave his life like he left mine.

The goblet falls to the floor as I powerlessly open my hand. I did it. This moment is the scariest. The moment there's nothing wrong yet, but I fear the pain, the damage it will do in the body that has so long been my shelter. I bite my lip, let my gaze stray to the sunshine outside. It's a beautiful day to die.

The first shot of cramps wrecks through me, and I helplessly gasp for air as I let myself fall down on the bed. It's a shame I'll die without Alexander… I would've like him to be with me at such an important moment. I try to ignore how cold I feel, how my fear makes my body covered with sweat. Or is it the poison? I'm not sure. I decide to crawl under the covers. No need to die uncomfortably, if you can help it.

I close my eyes in surrender. As I gasp for air once more, I realise that perhaps this won't be the quick poison I suspected, but something that will make me suffer for a long time before I die. Why have I not thought of that? Oh well, it's too late now. My own laboured breathing sounds strange in my ears.

I feel a cool hand on my clammy forehead, and I open my eyes. A Persian… Bagaos? I groan. Why him? Of all people to die with, why him? "It will soon be over," he whispers. "It really shouldn't hurt too much." It is strange that on the moment I realise that it is him who put down the poison, I am also strangely drawn to his comfort. As if he understands. But he doesn't, no he can't!, and I want him to go. "Go away." I close my eyes again, and not long after I know that he has left.

The next moment the room is full of people and voices, I don't really hear what they say. They try to make me drink something, but I refuse. It's too late, I want to say, can't you see it's too late? All I can do is utter his name, for I could not die without seeing him one last time. And then he is there, and all others have left.

When I see his eyes, it suddenly hits me hard. I have made the wrong decision. He still loves me, of course he still loves me! I should've stuck with him till the end. I had come this far, why had I given up? I lie to him, say that I will live, everything will be alright, he knows it too. But there is a strange numbness and my senses are cascading down around me… And he just talks talks talks. It's not about me, his attention is already focused elsewhere – as always. When I feel my last moments I search for last words, something to say that will capture my life in short, some kind of wisdom I have found in the time I lived, but I find none. There is no air in my lungs to speak with anyway. Pained, I crawl into the beckoning darkness, leaving Alexander's voice behind. Goodbye…


End file.
